You're pregnant again after a miscarriage, a stillbirth, the death of a newborn, or a pregnancy you had to end for medical reasons. At home is a child who either remembers the last pregnancy or is about to notice this one. Explaining a rainbow baby to an older sibling means holding two babies in one conversation: the one who died and the one you hope to bring home.

Below you'll find scripts for four age bands, honest answers to the questions kids actually ask, and a 20-minute drawing to do together. You don't need a perfect talk. You need a few true sentences you can say more than once.

Before you talk: three decisions to make first

Talking to kids about pregnancy after loss goes more smoothly when a few things are settled ahead of time.

1. Do they need to know about the loss?

If your child knew about the last pregnancy, yes. They saw the belly, heard the news, or felt the sadness in the house. Silence leaves them to fill in the gaps, and what kids imagine is often scarier than what happened.

If they were too young or never knew, it's your call. Many families share it later, a little at a time, as part of the family story. You don't owe a 2-year-old an explanation of a miscarriage before the new baby comes.

2. When do they hear about the new pregnancy?

Waiting longer after a loss is reasonable. Just tell your child before they're likely to overhear adults or notice the extra appointments and the growing belly. Most kids under about 6 can't keep news to themselves, so tell them once you're okay with it spreading. School-age kids and teens often feel hurt if friends knew first.

For little ones, skip the due date. "When it's summer" or "after your birthday" means more than the name of a month.

3. What words will you both use?

Agree with your partner or co-parent on the basics: the word "died," the baby's name if you gave one, and what you'll say about where the baby is now. When two adults tell two different stories, kids wonder which one is true.

Words that help, and words that confuse

If you're working out how to talk to kids about a miscarriage or the death of a sibling, start with the words. Young children take language literally, so the soft phrases adults use with each other can land in strange ways.

Age-by-age scripts for explaining a rainbow baby

How much to share depends mostly on what your child can take in. Find your starting point in the table, then borrow the scripts below.

The scripts are written for the pregnant parent, so if you're the partner, swap "my belly" for the words your family uses. Where you see [name], use the name you gave the baby who died, or just "the baby." Swap "big sister" and "big brother" to fit your child.

Under 3: short and about right now

Toddlers read your mood more than your words. Keep naps, meals, and bedtime steady, and stick to what they can see.

"There's a baby growing in my belly. The baby is very small right now. We hope the baby comes to live with us when it's warm outside."

If your toddler noticed the sadness around the loss:

"I was sad because the baby died. You didn't do anything wrong. I love you."

Ages 3 to 5: plain words, lots of repeats

Preschoolers may believe an angry thought can make things happen, so say "not your fault" even if they don't ask. Expect the same question at bath time, in the car, and three days later. Give the same calm answer each time.

"Remember the baby in my belly? The baby died. That means the baby's body stopped working, and it can't start again. [Name] can't come back. We feel sad, and it's okay if you feel sad too. Nothing you did or thought made the baby die."

"There's a new baby growing in my belly. This is a different baby, not [name] coming back. This baby is a whole new person, and you get to be their big sister."

Ages 6 to 9: honest facts and room to worry

School-age kids want the why, and it's fine to say you don't know. They can also see that hard things can happen twice, so name that worry before it grows in private.

"You remember that we had a baby who died. We're going to have another baby in [month]. We're happy, and we still miss [name]. You're allowed to feel both of those things too."

"Sometimes a baby's body doesn't grow the way it needs to. Doctors don't always know why. We do know it wasn't because of anything we did, or anything you did."

"You can tell your friends about the baby. If someone asks about [name], you can say as much or as little as you want. 'We had a baby who died' is enough."

Ages 10 and up: a conversation, not a speech

Tweens and teens may have already searched online. The risk at this age is quiet worry, or a kid who decides it's their job to keep you okay. Tell them early, and tell them it isn't.

"I wanted you to hear this before anyone else. I'm pregnant, and the baby is due in [month]. After [name], we're excited and nervous at the same time. You might be too. You can ask me anything, even the awkward stuff or things you read online."

"You don't have to take care of me. If you see me upset, you can ask what's going on, and I'll be honest. Looking after me is a grown-up job, not yours."

Then offer a role they can turn down: helping pick names, setting up the baby's space, or planning how your family will remember [name] once the baby is home.

The hard questions kids ask, and honest answers

These rarely come at a good moment. Having an answer ready helps you stay calm, and your calm matters as much as your words.

"Is the new baby [name] coming back?"

This one is common from 3- to 5-year-olds, who may think death is like going away for a while.

"No. When someone dies, they can't come back. This is a different baby, a brand-new person. [Name] will always be part of our family, and so will this baby."

"Did I make the baby die?"

"No. Nothing you did, said, wished, or thought made [name] die. Even if you were mad about sharing me, being mad can't make a baby die. It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't mine."

"Is this baby going to die too?"

Don't promise. A child who hears "I promise" will remember it if something goes wrong.

"We hope not. Most babies are born healthy, and the doctors and midwives are checking on this baby closely. If anything changes, we'll tell you the truth. No matter what, you will always be taken care of."

"Why are you crying? Aren't you happy about the baby?"

"I'm happy about this baby, and I'm sad about [name] too. People can feel two things at once. It's not because of anything you did. A hug would help, if you want to give me one."

You don't have to hide every tear. Seeing you feel something hard and still make dinner shows your child that big feelings can be lived through.

"Where is the other baby now?"

Answer from your family's beliefs. If you're not sure, it's okay to say so.

"People believe different things about what happens after someone dies. In our family, we believe ____. What do you think?"

"How many brothers and sisters do I have?"

"You get to decide how you say it. Some people count every baby, and some count the kids who live at home. 'I have a baby sister' is true. 'I have a baby sister, and a baby who died' is true too."

What does "rainbow baby" mean? Explaining the name to a child

If relatives use the phrase, your child will hear it. A short explanation keeps it from sounding like grown-up code.

"People sometimes call a baby born after a baby died a 'rainbow baby.' A rainbow comes after a storm. It doesn't mean the storm didn't happen. It means something bright came after something hard."

Watch for two things. The image can suggest the new baby "fixes" the loss, so keep pairing it with "and we still miss [name]." And your older child may wonder where they fit. Some families call a child born before a loss their "sunshine baby," which gives the big kid a place in the story too. If the term doesn't sit right with your family, skip it.

A 20-minute activity: draw the storm and the rainbow

Kids often talk more easily when their hands are busy and nobody is looking right at them. This drawing gives your child a way to show both feelings, plus something to keep. Try it a day or two after the first conversation, not in the same sitting.

You'll need: one large sheet of paper (or two regular sheets taped side by side) and crayons or washable markers. For children under 3, use chunky crayons, sit right beside them, and skip stickers, glitter, and anything small enough to fit in a mouth.

1. Fold the paper in half. Tell your child, "One side is for the storm, and one side is for the rainbow."
2. Draw the storm side together. Clouds, rain, maybe some lightning. Ask one question, like "What color is sad for you?" Some kids add a heart or a star for the baby who died. If your child wants to skip this side, let them.
3. Draw seven stripes on the rainbow side. For each stripe, your child names one thing to show or teach the new baby: how to jump in puddles, where the good books are, their best silly face. Write it on the stripe, or let them.
4. Say the key line. "The rainbow didn't make the storm go away. They're both in our sky." Then stop talking and see what your child says.
5. Date it and keep it. Write your child's name, age, and the date on the back.

Adjust it by age:

• Under 3: Do the rainbow side only. Name each color as they scribble and say, "Baby's coming." That's plenty.
• 3 to 5: You draw the outlines, and they color. Write down their seven ideas as they tell you.
• 6 to 9: They draw and write. Offer a small corner of the storm side for a note to [name], only if they want one.
• 10 and up: Offer it, don't push. Some older kids would rather write a short letter to the new baby, sealed until a birthday they choose.

Keep the finished drawing with your older child's keepsakes, not only the baby's. It's their work and their part of the story. Our guide to memory keeping for more than one kid has a simple way to keep things even as the family grows.

Help the other adults use the same words

Your child will hear about the baby from grandparents, teachers, and neighbors, not only from you. A little coordination keeps the message steady.

• Close family: Share your key words: "died," the baby's name, and "not anyone's fault." Ask them to skip lines like "this baby makes up for it" or "now you'll have a real sibling" in front of your child. If relatives are unsure what to say to you, our guide on what to say to someone who's pregnant after a loss gives them concrete language.
• Teachers and childcare: A short heads-up helps them respond well if your child mentions both babies at circle time or draws them.

A message you can copy and send:

"Hi [teacher's name], a quick heads-up. We're expecting a baby in [month]. [Child's name] knows we had a baby who died [last year], so they may talk about both babies, draw them, or ask questions. At home we say 'the baby died' and that it wasn't anyone's fault. If anything comes up, we'd be glad to hear about it."

After the rainbow baby arrives

The birth doesn't close the conversation. Kids often circle back to the baby who died once the new one is home and real.

The first meeting. The bond between a sibling and a rainbow baby starts here, so keep the moment about the two of them. A simple routine, like our first-meeting ritual for a new sibling, gives your older child a clear role. If you want a small nod to [name], one sentence is enough: "[Name] is part of our family, and so is this baby."

Remembering, year after year. Pick one or two simple ways to remember the baby who died, and let your older child choose their part. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day falls on October 15 every year, and our guide to ways to mark October 15 has low-pressure ideas that work with kids.

When to get more support. Some clinginess, worry, and backsliding, like potty accidents or baby talk, are normal with any new sibling. Talk to your pediatrician if changes in sleep, eating, school, or play last more than a few weeks, or if worry seems to run your child's days. If your child talks about wanting to die or to "go be with" the baby, call your pediatrician right away, or call or text 988 if you're worried about their safety now. The Dougy Center has resources for supporting grieving children, and the American Academy of Pediatrics' HealthyChildren.org covers kids' emotional health by age.

You won't cover all of this in one talk, and you don't need to. Keep four sentences close: the baby died, it wasn't your fault, this is a new baby, and you'll always be taken care of. Say them as often as your child needs to hear them. There's room in your family's story for both babies, and for the big kid standing between them.

Frequently asked questions