If you have lost a pregnancy or a baby, October 15 can arrive carrying a lot. Maybe your loss happened this year and you're not sure what to do with the date. Maybe it happened decades ago and you've never marked it out loud. Or maybe someone you love is grieving, and you want to show up without saying the wrong thing.

The pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day ideas below are a menu, not a to-do list. Pick one, combine a few, or skip them all. We kept every idea on this page optional, because grief doesn't follow a script.

In 2026, October 15 falls on a Thursday. If you'd like the evening quiet or the workday lighter, it's worth a few minutes of planning now.

What is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day?

In short: it's a day to remember babies who died during pregnancy, at birth, or in infancy, and to support the families who miss them.

The October 15 observance grew out of a grassroots campaign by bereaved parents in the early 2000s. In the US, President Reagan first proclaimed October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in 1988. The day is marked in many other countries too. In the UK, it closes Baby Loss Awareness Week, which runs October 9–15. The symbol is a pink and blue ribbon.

There's no official way to observe it. The day is for anyone who has lived through a loss like this, including:

• Miscarriage, whether very early or later in pregnancy
• Ectopic or molar pregnancy
• Stillbirth
• Ending a wanted pregnancy for medical reasons
• The death of a baby in the NICU, in the hospital, or after coming home, including sudden unexpected infant death
• Losses during fertility treatment

It's also for partners, dads, grandparents, siblings, surrogates, and friends who are grieving alongside them. You don't need a certain kind of loss, a certain number of weeks, or a chosen name to belong here.

How the Wave of Light works on October 15

In short: light a candle at 7 p.m. wherever you are and let it burn for at least an hour. As 7 p.m. moves across time zones, candles light one after another, creating a wave of light around the world.

It's the most widely shared tradition of the day, and it asks very little of you. Here's how to take part:

1. Choose your light. A pillar candle, a tea light, or a battery-operated candle all work. Pick an LED candle if you have toddlers or pets, or if you might fall asleep with it lit.
2. Pick a spot. A windowsill, the dinner table, the front step, or next to a photo, an ultrasound picture, or a hospital bracelet.
3. Light it at 7 p.m. local time. If 7 falls in the middle of bath time or a work shift, light it when you can. The time is a tradition, not a test.
4. Let it burn for an hour, or as long as feels right. Stay nearby while it's lit, and blow it out before you leave the room.
5. Share it only if you want to. Many people post a photo with #WaveOfLight. Plenty of others keep it entirely offline.

A few variations families use: one candle for each baby, the porch light switched on at 7 p.m., or phone flashlights held up together at a gathering. If you plan to leave a candle at a grave, check the cemetery's rules first, since some allow only battery-operated candles.

A menu of ways to mark the day (all optional)

None of these are required, and what fits this year may not fit next year. The remembrance day activities below range from one minute to a full evening. Use the table to find something that matches your energy, then read the details underneath.

Quiet ways to mark it on your own

• Say or write their name. Out loud in the car, on a sticky note, or on the bottom of the candle before you light it. If you never chose a name, you can choose one now, use a nickname, or simply say "baby."
• Spend ten minutes with what you kept. An ultrasound photo, a hospital bracelet, a card someone sent, a blanket. If these are scattered around the house, gathering them into one lidded box can be a quiet project for the evening.
• Take a walk at sunrise or sunset. Go somewhere that reminds you of your baby, or just walk the block. A song you connect with them can come along in your headphones.
• Write a letter to your baby. Tell them about the year, what you've been carrying, or what you hoped for them. Keep it with your keepsakes, or start a new one each October.

Ways to mark it with a partner, kids, or family

• Light the candle together. Set it on the dinner table and give everyone a chance to say one thing: a memory, a hope, the baby's name. Passing is allowed.
• Talk ahead of time. Partners often grieve in different ways and on different timelines. A two-line text a few days before saves guessing: "Do you want to do anything on the 15th? I'd like to light a candle at 7."
• Keep it concrete for young kids. Children can draw a picture, pick a flower, or blow bubbles outside for the baby. Many families choose bubbles over a balloon release, since released balloons come back down as litter. Answer kids' questions simply and honestly, and follow their lead.
• Plant bulbs. Mid-October is bulb-planting season across much of the US, so bulbs planted on the 15th come up in spring. Daffodils are a good pick because they tend to return year after year and squirrels usually leave them alone. A deep pot works if you rent or might move.

Ways to mark it out in the world

• Go to a remembrance service or walk. Hospitals with labor and delivery units, places of worship, and local support groups often hold candle-lightings, services, or walks in October. Search your town's name plus "pregnancy and infant loss remembrance," or call the hospital where you delivered and ask for the bereavement coordinator or chaplain.
• Visit a grave, memorial garden, or meaningful place. Bring something small: a flower, a pinwheel, a little pumpkin. Check the rules on decorations before you go.
• Wear pink and blue. A ribbon pin or a pink and blue bracelet is a quiet signal. Other loss parents may recognize it. Everyone else won't, and that's fine.

Ways to give in your baby's name

• Make a tribute donation. Loss support nonprofits, hospital bereavement programs, and NICU family funds often let you add a name to a gift. The amount doesn't matter.
• Donate a children's book. Give one to a library, a classroom, or a pediatric waiting room with a bookplate inside that reads "In memory of [name]."
• Put together a care package. Some hospital bereavement programs accept donated items for families going through a loss right now. Call first, since most have a specific list.
• Do one kind thing. Pay for the coffee behind you, leave a note for a nurse who helped you, or send a card to another family you know is grieving.

Reach out to one support organization

If you've been carrying this mostly on your own, October 15 is a reasonable day to connect with people who understand. You don't have to join anything or share your story. Reading one page, bookmarking a group, or sending one email to ask when the next meeting is all count.

• Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support offers support groups, resources, and remembrance events for families after miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death.
• Postpartum Support International runs free online support groups, including groups for pregnancy and infant loss, as well as a helpline.
• Other national groups, such as the Star Legacy Foundation and the MISS Foundation, also offer resources, and many hospitals run their own local loss support groups.

Look for groups made for your situation, too. Depending on where you search, you'll find groups for partners and dads, for loss during fertility treatment, for ending a pregnancy for medical reasons, and for pregnancy after loss.

Or do nothing special

The 15th can be an ordinary day. Some people would rather be at work, around people who don't know, doing normal things. Skipping the day doesn't mean you've forgotten, and marking it doesn't mean you're stuck.

Journal prompts for October 15

Pick one prompt and write for ten minutes. Nobody needs to read it, spelling doesn't matter, and stopping mid-sentence is fine. If writing feels like too much, answer a prompt out loud in a voice memo instead.

For anyone

• "When I think about you, the first thing I feel is..."
• "What I hoped for you was..."
• "Something I've never told anyone about you is..."
• "This year, I've been carrying..."
• "One thing that has helped, even a little, is..."
• "If I could spend one more hour with you, I would..."
• "Next October, I'd like to..."

If your loss was years ago

• "Back then, I wish someone had told me..."
• "The ways you're still part of my life now are..."
• "If you were here this year, I picture you..."

For partners, grandparents, and siblings

• "The part of this loss people don't see for me is..."
• "What I needed then, and what I need now, is..."

Getting ready: a short checklist for the week before

A little planning keeps the day from catching you off guard. Take what's useful and ignore the rest.

• ☐  Decide whether you want company on the evening of the 15th, and tell that person now.
• ☐  Pick up a candle, or find the LED one, so you're not searching at 6:55.
• ☐  Choose how you want to handle work: a day off, a lighter schedule, or a normal day for distraction.
• ☐  Tell your partner or family what you're hoping for, whether that's a ritual, quiet, or no plans at all.
• ☐  Mute words or accounts on social media if a feed full of candles would be too much. Or plan to look on purpose if it helps you feel less alone.
• ☐  Plan one easy dinner. Takeout counts.
• ☐  Choose one person you can text if the evening gets heavy.
• ☐  Save a support group link or helpline number in your phone.

How to support someone on October 15

If a friend, your adult child, or a coworker has lost a baby, you don't need perfect words. A short, specific message on the day usually means more than a long one, and far more than silence.

What helps

• Send a message on the 15th. Around 7 p.m. is a thoughtful time. Use the baby's name if they have one.
• Remember the other dates. The due date and the anniversary of the loss can be harder than October 15. Add them to your calendar now so they don't slip past next year.
• Offer something specific. "Can I drop off dinner on the 15th?" is easier to accept than "Let me know if you need anything."
• Check on grandparents, too. They're missing a grandchild while watching their own child hurt. That's a double grief, and it often goes unnoticed.
• Keep any gift small and about the baby. Flowers, a candle, a card, or a donation in the baby's name all work. Skip anything meant for a future baby.
• If they're expecting again, make room for both babies. A baby shower after a loss can feel complicated for everyone. The simple formula in our guide to what to write in a baby shower card still works. If you know they'd welcome it, add one line that remembers the baby they lost.

Messages you can copy

• "Thinking of you and [name] today. No need to reply."
• "I'm lighting a candle for [name] at 7 tonight."
• "I know today might be hard. I'm around if you want company, and I'll understand if you want quiet."
• "I haven't forgotten [name], and I won't."
• "I only recently learned about your loss, and I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you today."
• For a coworker or employee: "Thinking of you this week. If a lighter load on the 15th would help, just say so."

What to skip

• Anything that starts with "at least" (at least it was early, at least you can try again, at least you have other kids).
• "Everything happens for a reason."
• Questions about trying again or future pregnancies.
• Comparing their loss to someone else's.
• Nudging them to attend an event, post online, or "do something" for the day.

If the day feels heavier than you expected

Grief doesn't keep a calendar. The days leading up to the 15th can feel harder than the day itself, and a date you expected to handle fine can knock you flat. It's common to feel a mix of things: sadness, anger, envy at a pregnancy announcement, even guilt for having a good day.

If you're pregnant again or caring for a baby born after your loss, you may feel joy and grief in the same hour. Both can be true at once. You can light a candle for the baby you lost with the baby you have in your arms.

Some grief needs more than a quiet evening. If you're struggling to get through daily life, or it's been a long time and nothing feels lighter, talk to your doctor or a counselor who works with pregnancy and infant loss. Postpartum Support International's helpline can point you toward one. If you're having thoughts of hurting yourself, call or text 988 in the US, any time, day or night.

Whatever you choose this year is enough

If you want one simple plan, here it is: light a candle at 7 p.m. on October 15, say your baby's name, and write one sentence in a notebook before bed. If that's too much, the candle alone is enough. If even that's too much, getting through the day is enough.

And if you're supporting someone, send the text. You don't have to find the right words. You only have to let them know their baby is remembered.

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